GGE’s Home DIY Tips for Morons – Geeky Girl Engineer

What Not to do with Metal Covers

Posted on May 7, 2013 by geek

Geeky Girl Engineer’s Home DIY Tips for Morons

All houses have numerous cover plates for wall openings such as electrical outlets, light switches, and vents. The cover plates can be fancy or plain and come in various materials. Vent covers are normally metal, but specialty ones come in different materials. For two floor vent openings in my family room, I bought unstained white oak covers that I then had stained and sealed to match the hardwood floors in that room.

Wooden vent cover stained and sealed to match the hardwood floor

Light switch and electrical outlet covers are normally plastic but can also be various materials and colors. In my kitchen, I used stainless steel light switch and outlet covers to match the stainless steel tiles in the backsplash and the stainless steel appliances.

Stainless steel light switch/outlet cover which matched stainless steel tiles

Thus, you don’t have to use the standard type covers. You can buy fancier ones to coordinate with your decor. You can also buy covers that are specially made to be painted or wallpapered so that they really match your walls. However, these are special ones. You can’t, or rather you shouldn’t, paint any metal cover. If you paint metal, it needs to be primed properly, and if you want the paint job to look nice, it needs to be applied carefully, preferably it should be sprayed on for a really nice, smooth coat. Otherwise, you get this:

Improperly painted vent cover

I’m not sure if the photo really shows how bad it looks. The paint is chipping all over. Brush marks can clearly be seen, and in some places, the paint pooled, making the coat very uneven. Most importantly, if you refuse to heed my advice on this, please, please, take the covers off before painting them. Don’t paint them while they are on the wall. If you paint them while on the while, this happens:

Outlet after cover that was painted while on wall was removed

See the lovely lines where the cover was? That is due to a thinner coat of paint where the cover covered the wall. Here is a similar outcome with the vent cover.

Vent after cover that was painted while on wall was removed

Closeup of vent after cover that was painted while on wall was removed

The very worst part was that the paint had flowed underneath the cover and essentially glued the cover to the wall. I had to use a flat-head screwdriver to pry the covers off the wall. In some places, it didn’t come off cleanly.

So please, don’t do this. Your house’s future owners thank you.

What not to do with drywall

Posted on February 27, 2013 by geek

Geeky Girl Engineer’s Home DIY Tips for Morons

This is freshly installed drywall.

Guest room after drywall and new window

Drywall is that stuff you paint and hang things on. It is also known as gypsum board because the interior of it has gypsum in it. In bathrooms, green board is used because it is moisture resistant, but it is not moisture proof. It is called green board because it is green. Yes, home buildings supplies have very creative names. It is seen below in my guest bathroom as I was tearing it out for renovations.

Downstairs bathroom deconstruction

Drywall is screwed or nailed to studs. It covers up the insulation, studs, wires, pipes, and everything else that goes behind a wall. Fairly simple, right? Evidently not so much for the morons who “renovated” my house at one point before I bought it. Here is the room that is now my guest room when I was tearing things down to renovate.

guest room deconstruction

Look at the wall on the right that still has the drywall. See the brown outline around the door? Here is an up close photo of it.

Guest room deconstruction. Two layers of drywall for unknown reasons.

That outline is due to a second layer of drywall that was unpainted and revealed when the door trim was removed. Here is another look at it.

Guest room deconstruction. Two layers of drywall for unknown reasons.

So let’s just be clear: there is absolutely no point to two layers of drywall on one side of a wall. One layer of drywall is all you need. In fact, if you add a second layer, then the electrical outlets and light switches don’t fit through properly. I have tried to come up with a logical reason for the two layers of drywall. Best I can come up with is that they noticed the mold on the drywall on another wall in the room and assumed it was from moisture from the adjoining bathroom. Therefore they decided to put up a second layer of drywall to stop the moisture. This makes no logical sense, and the drywall wouldn’t stop moisture from coming through the wall. Assuming this is the reason, they entirely missed the reason for the mold anyway. The mold was due to the fact that behind the drywall was furring strips on cinder blocks. The cinder blocks formed the exterior wall. The two exterior walls of this room are underground, hence the cinder blocks, and there was not enough moisture protection to prevent moisture from the ground coming through the cinder blocks which then would gets to the drywall.

However, I really don’t know why they put up a second layer of drywall. The mold is simply a guess. When I tore down both layers of drywall, I didn’t notice anything wrong with the covered layer of drywall that would explain why it was covered. The summary of this is, there is no reason for two layers of drywall. It is a waste of drywall, and it is stupid.

Geeky Girl Engineer’s Home DIY Tips for Morons

Posted on February 24, 2013 by geek

I have been renovating my current house for two years now, and I realized before I bought it that it had been built and originally owned by smart, caring home owners, but it was later owned and “renovated” by morons. Therefore, in order to help and possibly stop morons out there, I have decided to start a new, sporadically reoccurring series of posts called “Geeky Girl Engineer’s (GGE’s) Home DIY Tips for Morons.” First, a few disclaimers though as to why you should either ignore or not ignore anything I write.

I am not a licensed contractor of any type. I am also not a home renovation expert.
I however have owned and renovated three homes. Much of the work I did myself.
I am a licensed professional engineer (PE), but I am by no means selling or marketing my services as a PE. Also, I am an environmental engineer, so I am more knowledgable about wastewater and hazardous waste and not so much about structural engineering such as one needs when designing and sometimes renovating a house. I hired a licensed structural PE to help with a portion of my current house’s renovation because I demolished a structural wall.
As an engineer, I have been known at times, to adhere to the engineer’s adage which is:
1. If it doesn’t move and it’s supposed to, use WD-4.
2. If it moves and it’s not supposed to, use duct tape.
3. If those don’t work, use a hammer to bang the crap out of it. This may not solve the problem, but it will make you feel much better.
4. If all else fails, use C-4.

OK, I totally made up number 4. I have never actually worked with explosives, which is disappointing. Actually, that is not entirely true. I have used picric acid in a dilute solution before to measure creatinine in urine. However it was always in solution and kept in a plastic container and never at risk of exploding.
As a female, unlike some but not all males, I read the directions. I even read the directions when it is something from IKEA and the directions involve a strange cartoon man, and no matter how well you follow the directions, you always have leftover: three screws, four washers, two nuts, and five wooden dowels. No matter if the piece does not involve wood, there will still be wooden dowels included. Also, I now have a fine collection of Allen wrenches.
I know what I can and can’t do. I also know what I shouldn’t do. I know when to call in professionals. As a chemical engineer, I have the book knowledge to design a petroleum refinery, but I don’t have a clue how to change the oil in my car. I leave that to the professionals, who can also recycle the oil. I fully understand fluid dynamics, pipe sizing, friction factors, municipal waster and waster design, etc. However, I still use a professional plumber for tasks larger than changing o-rings or existing faucet heads, etc.
I am a natural blond.

So, while many might be able to learn something from this series of posts, before you attempt any type of home do-it-yourself (DIY) tasks, please try to figure out if you are in fact, a moron. Consider the follow questions:

Has anyone ever told you that you are a future Darwin award winner or that you almost won a Darwin award?
If you have an electric outlet with two holes, but your plug has three prongs, is your solution to cut the third prong off the plug?
Do you believe building codes are silly and not in the least useful?
Have you ever seen something you did or something very similar to something you did on There I Fixed It? Or are you confused as to why some things are on that site because they look perfectly fine to you?
Do you think that when a female is raped, her “body has a way to shut that whole thing down” to avoid getting pregnant?
Have you ever opened a box containing electronics or some other non-food item, found a little packet and thought “oh nice, it came with a snack,” only to be disappointed when it said “don’t eat”?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you might be a moron. If you are going to do anything more complicated than changing a light bulb in your home, you might want to consider calling in a professional. Actually, you may want to consider if you are even capable of changing a light bulb. After all, someone had to be the inspiration for all those “how many _____ does it take to change a light bulb” jokes. Please consider carefully. Your future self, and any future owners and occupants of your home will thank you for it.

There is the introduction. Stay tuned for tips based on the incredibly stupid things I have encountered in this house. Contact me if you have questions. Contact me if you have tips or photos of really stupid things done at your house that you would like to share with the morons out there as something not to do. I can promise that if you ask me a question, and I don’t know the answer, I will not make up an answer, but I may be able to refer you to some sites with actual valuable information.