Delivery Fail

I buy a lot of stuff online. I hate malls. I would much rather shop while sitting in front of my computer. Also, I can find a much better selection of many things online. I specifically shop at Amazon.com a lot. Several months ago, I joined Amazon Prime that guarantees free two day delivery. Well, it’s free after you pay the Amazon Prime membership fee. I’ve never had a problem with Amazon Prime deliveries or almost any other delivers. Every once in a while I get a delivery that is considered too expensive or big that they won’t deliver it without me being present, but it is pretty rare. When I ordered my new DSLR camera I couldn’t even leave a signature slip, but considering how much my new camera is worth, I was fine with needing to receive it in person. I’ve had big and small boxes left on my doorstep by FedEx, UPS, and USPS. Huge box with my new dining room chandelier: check. Bulk tea: check. Kindle: check. Several large boxes of Fiestaware: check. Athletic shoes: check. Box filled with jars of peanut butter: check. You get it. I order it. They leave it on my doorstep. I live on a busy street in a safe neighborhood. My doorstep has a balcony above it, so rain is not an issue, and the doorstep is far enough back and obscured enough by geography and vegetation that it is not amazingly obvious that there is package sitting there.

Wednesday I ordered a $23 book, specifically a field guide for birds of Europe, from Amazon with guaranteed delivery Friday. So imagine my surprise when I get an email from Amazon Friday night that stated “UPS attempted to deliver your package but was unable to leave the package unattended.” I’m thinking, really, UPS left my new Kindle on my doorstep, but they are worried about a $23 bird book? I mean I know us birders sometimes have a reputation as being somewhat crazy, but generally we don’t go stealing each other’s bird books. Of course, the book was supposed to be in a box, so no one would know what it is unless Amazon has taken to really new labeling on the packages. I call UPS and ask what is going on and why wouldn’t they leave it unattended. UPS informs me that they actually handed the package off to the USPS, so I need to contact them. So the UPS tracking number that Amazon gave me is pretty much worthless because UPS only tracks it as far as a municipality near mine where they evidently turned it over to the USPS for finally delivery.

Here is the best part about the fact that it was USPS that couldn’t deliver the package: I was home when the mail arrived. My mail is delivered through a slot in my door. I heard it this morning when it arrived. No one knocked at my door or rang my doorbell to try to deliver a package that wouldn’t fit through the mail slot. I did leave the house later in the day, but I presume the whole point of UPS handing the package to USPS, is that the USPS can just deliver the package when they deliver the mail. It makes no sense for USPS to make two trips to my house, the 1st with my regular mail and a 2nd with the package. Furthermore, after UPS told me that it USPS that couldn’t leave the package unattended, I opened the front door and checked. No package and no notice stating that a package couldn’t be delivered was there. So, precisely how the heck am I supposed to know that someone, anyone attempted to deliver a package but couldn’t because I wasn’t there? How am I supposed to know that I need to be home on some (hopefully stated) day in the future? How am I supposed to be able to leave a signature noting that I am perfectly fine with them leaving a $23 bird book sitting on my doorstep?

Then I contact Amazon via a live chat (of which I will copy and paste the conversation from the email with the chat transcript), and I ask them where is my package. He helpfully informs me “They will again try to deliver. By Monday. You must get your item shortly.” Well in the first place, I was guaranteed delivery by Friday. I then said “Well I won’t be home Monday, and they did not leave a slip for me to sign, and since they don’t knock on my door there is no point to the slip anyway.” He patiently tells me “you can try to contact your local post office.” At this point I realize that Amazon like so many other companies obviously has their customer service people in another country because what US resident would suggest you call your local post office?! In the first place, I am not even sure which specific branch is my “local” post office. There are two relatively close to me. Second, have you ever tried to get a human being on the phone at your local post office? Third, the final leg of the UPS tracking has the package in a nearby municipality, but not my municipality. I have no idea form where the postal worker who delivers my mail actually works. I don’t know if they are at my “local” post office or a larger regional one. I have no idea. Fourth, I don’t have a USPS tracking number for the package so what good would it do to call them? As far as I know USPS doesn’t use UPS tracking numbers. Heck, one of the reasons many companies use FedEx and UPS is that they offer easy tracking as opposed to USPS, which really doesn’t. I explain this to the Amazon rep, who once again just states that I should contact USPS. Then I ask “Why did Amazon tell whoever that it couldn’t just be left on my door?” Amazon rep states “A signature is typically required for packages where the total value is more than $250. A signature may still be required for a package where the total value is less than $250; it’s up to the driver’s discretion. We can’t instruct shipping companies how or when to leave packages at a shipping address. Your package was shipped by a special service called UPS Mail Innovations. UPS takes these shipments from our fulfillment centers and transports them to the U.S. Post Office closest to the delivery destination. The U.S. Postal Service will make the final delivery.” This is amazing information to me. I have shipped packages via USPS before, and if want a signature or anything other them just dropping the package off, you have to pay extra for it. Same with FedEx and UPS. I can remember getting packages ready for shipment for FedEx, and there was a little box that you checked if a signature was required. However Amazon with its vast shipping demand is completely unable to tell delivery companies that it doesn’t want a signature? What they heck? And why this of all the packages ever delivered to my house would need a signature? AND HOW ARE THEY GOING TO GET ONE IF THEY NEITHER KNOCK ON MY DOOR NOR LEAVE A SLIP FOR ME TO SIGN?!

So somewhere out there is my bird book. I can only assume it is sitting in a USPS warehouse surrounded by electrified barbed wire and a moat being patrolled by guard dogs and guards with machine guns. I also assume there are lasers and sound detectors and sirens involved. I mean since my package is so dang valuable that they can’t leave it on my doorstep like almost every other package then they clearly think it contains a true treasure that needs that kind of protection. When will I get it? No idea as I’ve got no way to track it now. How will I know when it has arrived? Presumably when the postal worker feels I am ready to receive this valuable book, he or she will sound a trumpet, as opposed to my doorbell or door-knocker, to let me know of its arrival and give me an opportunity to receive it. Perhaps my house did not look welcoming enough yesterday, so I was only allowed to receive my regular mail but not the treasured bird book. Is a red carpet and fresh flowers needed? It’s a bird book, perhaps I should leave bird food out on the front doorstep to welcome its arrival. Who knows? Maybe the USPS knows its content and will only allow the book to be delivered by an actual bird from Europe. I may have to wait until the spring migration. This of course brings up a very important question. Just what is the  the air-speed velocity of an unladen European swallow? And what would be the air-speed of a European swallow ladened with my bird book? Perhaps a European white stork will be necessary to bring the bird book with a stork’s better carrying capacity. If I ever receive my bird book, I will let everyone know.

Saturday morning update: When I heard the mail come through the mail slot this morning, I went outside to see if the package was sitting on the doorstep. There was no package, but the mail carrier’s vehicle was in front of my house, so I waited for her to return. When she came back to the vehicle, I told her the story about the package. She said she was off on Friday, but she couldn’t understand why the other carrier wouldn’t leave the package. She said she leaves packages on my doorstep all the time. I nodded, laughed, and said I know, I’ve never had a problem. I told her I suspected that perhaps USPS might have the package, it had not gotten to the location where the actual carrier would have it. She asked if I had a USPS tracking number, and I said no, they only gave me a UPS one, which she agreed is useless to her. She promised that she would check with the Friday carrier and bring the book to me today if she could find it.

As I was typing this update, my doorbell rang, and it was my mail carrier with my package. I asked what happened. She said it was given to a different mail carrier, and it was supposed to be delivered today. I am not clear if it was given to a different mail carrier by mistake or design or what. I thanked her profusely and wished her a great weekend.

Conclusions:

1. The method of FedEx or UPS giving a package to USPS for the final leg is a great idea and obviously saves money, but if they don’t give you a tracking number for the USPS leg, it is impossible to find out what happened or where your package is.
2. Amazon, UPS, and USPS have horrible customer service when it comes to this delivery method.
3. UPS and Amazon just plain lied. I don’t know if UPS told Amazon they couldn’t leave the package unattended, which would be stupid since they were not supposed to be the one leaving the package, or if Amazon just made up that nonsense when they got some sort of notification that the package was not delivered as guaranteed.
4. If Amazon is going to continue guaranteeing two day Amazon Prime delivery with this delivery method than they better figure out what went wrong, especially if what my mail carrier is true that the package was not supposed to be delivered until today.
5. Amazon makes it dang near impossible to figure out as an Amazon Prime customer what I get if they do not fulfill their two day delivery promise. They’re website says they will refund shipping costs if they don’t deliver as guaranteed, but I am still trying to figure out what an Amazon Prime customer gets. Oh good, I get to deal with their customer service again.
6. I have a very nice USPS carrier, who by far gave much better customer service than Amazon or UPS.

Saturday afternoon update: I have back from Amazon customer service based on my blog post. The Amazon customer service rep yesterday gave me a $10 promotional credit to compensate for the missed delivery. Amazon responded to my tweet and asked me to submit comments by following a link. I did this and simply gave the blog post link. This second customer service rep also extended my Amazon Prime membership by a month. Conclusion: It pays to complain and complain in a public manner.